It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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