My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
