how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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