I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
