if you like me you must not know who I am
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
