You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
