Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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