You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
