$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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