I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
