Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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