btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
