shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
