three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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