Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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