Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
