I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
