A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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