from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
