got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
