go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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