I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sext me about skeletons
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
