I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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