you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
