he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
