So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
