No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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