so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
