I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
