I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
