I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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