Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
