Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
