My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize