no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
