Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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