I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
