it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
