dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
