I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
