New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
