My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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