At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
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