My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
