I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
