oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
