I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
