gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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