He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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