i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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