so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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