I wish i was in the wii world.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
