Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
