dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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