Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
