All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
