I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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