Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
