for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
