It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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