White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
