M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
