They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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