I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
