She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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