i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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