Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
