So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
