Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Green mimosas i think yes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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