This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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