I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
