DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
