You're completely useless in the revolution.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I supernannyed him into submission
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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