i think my tv is drunk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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