I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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