Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
