Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
