ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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