You're so nebulous sometimes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
