Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Vodka?
Forever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
