yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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