So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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